If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's never too late to be topless.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
