I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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