That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
