This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
