I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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