either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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