dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
