I love black thongs
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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