Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
