I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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