I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
