she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
