If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
