so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think i have two assholes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
