So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
