I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
