would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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