I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize