remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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