Please, let me fuck your mom
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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