take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize