I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
