I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
