there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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