I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
