I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
