You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize