Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
