is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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