i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
