I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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