We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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