just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
