Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
