Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize