whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
