he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
