she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
