I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
