Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
