You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
