You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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