break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
