You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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