oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize