honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize