I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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