I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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