i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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