After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
