he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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