I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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