Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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