i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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