you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
