I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
