Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
