'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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