Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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