we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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