I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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