her vagine was all disorganized.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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