I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
