Non-Jews are for practice
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
