thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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