Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
