I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
