Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
