Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
