I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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